wow... no internet can make people go a little bit... loopy

Eh..

I'm not really bothered with these blogs anymore...
Maybe once every few months, I'll update.
But nah... May as well rant to people who listen xD

NEEDS MONEH

Babes, I am sooooooo lazy.
I NEED A JOB
AND CASH
=C

Writing a blog is rare

when one is not upset or worried.
For this post, I will be worried. I am worried about the safety of the two friends I love most in this world.
One is completely out of their mind.
The other is heading in that general direction.
Both are stubborn jackasses, that don't really listen to me that much.. but I think somewhere in that tough outer layer of theirs, they're happy that I'm there for them. (I just used the three "there"'s in one sentence xD
Atleast that's what I like to think.
I can't explain the situation of one, except that their minds are not seeing the fuller picture. I thought they were smarter.
They're not.
They are really not as smart as they seem.
Yes, this person has been through shit.
But going to the extents they are going to...
You say the right way doesn't work for you.
The right way is not a simple daily walk, you need to WORK AT IT.
You're stubborn enough, get the fucking motivation from your friends, who DO work at it, and achieve results.
And please, get the brains to seek professional help.
Doctors are not evil.
It is all in your head.

The other friend... they speak about their problems more openly.
But I just don't know what to do to help them =='
Yes, I agree your life is fucking shit a lot of the time, and life just isn't fair. But honey, you need to stand on your two feet and figure out what you want.
Dwelling in "maybe" and "but what if" isn't going to help you.
You're just going to confuse yourself more, and get hurt. Again.

Just some thoughts

I'm guessing one will be quite angry if they happen to come across this blog, but this way they know what I'm feeling.


~ And my papa always said that you should never tell a lie, but if you do then take it back, son.

I'm melting...

;LKJGSKLDFKLZSJDGKLZSJDFG

Man, what the hell is wrong with the weather?!
One day it's boiling, the next it's piss raining.
Global warming?
The gods fucking around?

Currently, I can see the droplets of sweat on my nose.

Oh, according to today's forecast, we'll be having a thunder storm later today. IT'S 42 DEGREES, I WANT THE THUNDER STORM NOW >=(

Yeah I don't know what this blog is about.. but if you've read this far then congrats! You just wasted 20 seconds of your life ^__^

Over and outtt


()__()
( .. )
()__()
()() <<< rabbit fail

WHAT THE HELL

IS WRONG WITH MY BROTHER'S FRIENDS?!
Seriously. The only one I trust is Victor, because he doesn't look at me like he wants to lick whipped cream off of my entire body.
One of them....Jason... he seems to find the constant need to pop into my room every half hour or so.
Sometimes he has something to ask me
Sometimes he says something about what I'm doing: "wow, you're on the computer a lot"
Or sometimes, he will just stand there, in my room looking around at everything.
While my brother is in his room going "dude, where the fuck did you go?"

12 year old fan club, much?

Dude...

Just fuck you.
Seriously.

The other night...

Was really...really weird.
I don't know why I'm posting this on the net, but whatthefuckever :L
I woke up in the middle of the night, to a boy sleeping next to me.
My eyelids wouldn't open, but I knew he was there.
I felt my body pressed against his, I heard his slow breathing, I felt his skin.
And what's more? I was holding his penis.
That's the point that makes me think it was probably a dream, but it was way too fucking realistic for me to be sure.
I didn't realise I was holding it, because I was still confused as to why there was a guy in bed with me.
I was still trying to open my eyes, when I realised that my hand was clamped around something.
Um... well, basically it was long, thick and hard :L
and my hand was a bit sweaty, so the skin on his dick was like...sticky?
What's more is that I couldn't take my hand away 0____0
I wasn't jacking him off or anything, just holding it.
I WANTED to let go, but my hand wouldn't move.
I stayed in that position for a long time, just listening to him breathing.
Eventually, I fell asleep.
And I CANNOT TELL IF IT WAS A DREAM OR REALITY. Like, of course you'd think it would be a dream, but it was just...too realistic. I still remember how the penis felt in my hand, I remember how fast he was breathing.
He seemed... young, I donno. I just couldn't open my eyes.
Jasmine suggests that it was Nathan's essence or something.
Brendan suggests it was my dad, or brother, or a really horny ghost.
I'm gonna hope it's the ghost o___o










Is it bad that I want him to come back? :L






~

EPIPHANY ALERT

I seem to really hate people these days.
I can see why Jasmine is in such a bad mood at school, it's a really shit environment.
People do not have respect.
I wish I had the courage to tell people that piss me off, to shove a pole up their ass.
But no, I'll just sit there and ignore it. Fuck you primary school. Teaching us to ignore bad shit that happens to us.
That's not how life rolls.
At least I'm realising that now. I think I'm getting better, though. Probably because of hanging around Jas and Bren so much, who are the two most stubborn people I know, and are pretty good at speaking their mind :L
Fuck being a push-over. Fuck not having a voice in this stupid life. I'm not going to be dominated by people anymore.
This doesn't mean I'm going to talk to people... screw that, I'm fine with being anti-social.
It means I'm not going to take their fucking crap.
People seem to target me because I'm weaker/gullible/quiet. They feel they are superior.
Well they can just wait until the day I snap. The day when they won't be able to stand properly because I've kicked the fucking shit out of them.

Can't wait :)

do not fold

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
I am so scared for him right now.
I wish he knew how much he actually means to me... he's saying things I could only imagine in nightmares, and it's scaring the fucking shit out of me. I wish he didn't have to feel all this pain.
Make it stop.
Make it stop for him.
Please.

Why can't itunes go any louder?

If they scream one more time, I'm going to kill them.
Don't
Fuck
With
Me
Today.

Tired.

Punched a guy in the dick. On purpose.
Snapped at girls in my grade. They deserved it.
At least I've stopped being a slut.
Lovin' me some Asians gurrrrl.
Friends have love interests. I'm kinda really jelous.
Friends moving away and coming back.
Hello lunch times spent reading.
Seen people I haven't seen in a while.
Been called the most sensible 16 year old someone has ever met.
LOL.
I find myself really fucking stupid sometimes. Not thinking things through, and how certain things will effect me =_= But then again, I find some of my friends pretty stupid for the same reasons =)
People are trying new things. But hey, so am I.
I can see my heart beating through my shirt if I don't wear a bra.
I want to see the the freaking psychic. Apparently she is quite accurate.
Close friend has crush on me. Linda won't shut the fuck up about it.
I'm not going to Poland anymore.
I'm going to the Kate Miller-Heidke concert, possibly the Lady Gaga concert, and hopefully the Patrick Wolf concert.
Yay.
Fights about Ktwat continue. He likes to physically hurt me now. I'm just waiting for him to do something bad so that this fucking skinny ass pianist is out of my life and locked away forever.
Liking to draw now. Friend asked me to draw his penis. I think he forgot about it lol xD
Caleb's 18th yesterday. Nursing my first hangover. Yay.
Going hunting for Bigfoot with Jas and Brendan. No idea why.
Jessie is 10 next week.
Been having lots of dreams involving rape.
Fuck.
Going to go vomit on my piano now.

=)
There was a girl who talked to geese.....

I just realised..

I am afraid of death.

All is full of Love~

I felt weird today.
I don't know what it was. It felt like I was sick, but I actually wasn't...?
I also had a sudden urge to just take off anything that I've applied onto myself. Took off all my jewellery, all my makeup, nailpolish, bra, shoes, everything.
I looked at myself in the mirror... nothing covering up the real me.
I don't know what my reaction was, but I just remember thinking "wow..I look really tired."
My skin was pale, as it always is.
My hair hung flat against my head, my eyes looked out at me in a lazy way, almost as if it was another person's eyes, just another day observing what I do.
My collar bone seemed to almost belong to a starving person, so prominent.
My breasts...meh, they'll never change.
As I looked lower down, I noticed that I liked the way my waist kind of curved in. Ohay figure I'd never noticed before! XD
My stomach... ofcourse I'm sure we'd all like a flatter stomach, but whatever.
May as well deal with what you've got.
Mine's got kind of a..dip? Between my ribs and my bellybutton.
I don't know if that's supposed to be there but yeah xD
As I looked further down to my legs, I remember compliments I got from people saying my legs had a nice shape.
I looked at my calves and noticed the slight way they curved from my knee, to my ankle. It was nice =)
Then I looked at my body as a whole and realised... I've spent way too much time trying to alter this.
Too much time stressing, wishing my boobs were bigger, wishing my stomach was flatter, that my thighs weren't as wobbly hahahaha ;P
But I realise now that... I'm happy with myself.
With my body.
Overweight people really shouldn't be any less confident than skinny people, unless they're one of those people who spend seven years of their life lying in bed because they're too fat to get up -__-
Because I think most of us should be so grateful that we haven't turned out with massive tumors on our faces, obscuring our vision and our ability to speak.
A lot of us were lucky to be born without physical disabilities, and yet we stress that our skin is oily? That our love-handles are showing?
Sure, it's good to exercise and have a healthy diet, keeping our body in shape, but is it really worth worrying about so much that our self-esteem is at rock bottom?
No.
No it isn't.
People have gone through so much to change how they look.
Eating disorders, over-exercising, surgery, EVERYTHING to change who we are.
Screw you magazines and media for encouraging us to think we're ugly.
You try to change your ways now by including exercise reigimes we can do in the health section, but what about the pictures of pretty much anno girls wearing the equivelant to a handkerchief?
And LOOK SO GOOD?
I doubt you'll be changing the thoughts of self-hatred experienced by those who can't pull off that look =='
Screw you Coco Chanel for being the first to make people believe that tanning was a good thing, possibly killing thousands of people thanks to skin cancer.
And just screw anybody that makes someone feel like shit about themselves.
I don't know what conclusion I've drawn, but I know that I won't be pressured into an eating disorder to look good.
I want to be me, and just flaunt what I've got XD I don't completely love myself, and I doubt I ever will, but I know that I'll be glad that I was left with this body and not something far worse o__o


You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at

Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you

All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love!

All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love

[All Is Full Of Love, by Bjork]

~~~~~~~

Excuse me, but...

You think we're just going to run away together, holding hands, skipping happily into the sunset and leave you here to rot?
U-huh. Yep.

Think again, honey.

:(

I want the old you back. Please come back.

What the hell?

Some people just do NOT change. Like, honeslty. The things they say just ANNOY you to the max. I'm probably one of these people, but this is my blog, so fuck off :D
So yeah, I want to aim this at one person in particular. This person is very close to me, and just talking to them... I feel like I'm a 13 year old in a boy crisis. They're just SO immature in the way they handle problems. And I know it's bad, but it annoys me that they turn to God. That they think God is almighty and will solve every problem they have. And I know it's their upbringing and how they were raised to think, but FUCK, it's not all up to GOD. It annoys me that they trick people. That they don't think of consequences at ALL. Their problems aren't even that bad compared to other people. Why can't they just move on from things that don't matter? Just face the inevitable: "honey, it's not gonna happen".
...
ugh... HE LIKES THE OTHER GIRL, NOT YOU- GET OVER IT.



Sorry... but this shit has been going on for too long >=( And honey, God can't change his mind. You're not where he is, he's not going to wait years at a time to see you, because no matter how strong your connection was, he's a teenager, and wants to have fun, not get tied down by someone emotionally unstable, and not in the same country as him.

And just...stop dramatising little...LITTLE UNIMPORTANT THINGS. God I can't believe how I can handle talking to you so much.

JUST

PLEASE

STOP

thanks.

Spin me around again

My mind and life, I think, are a lot like my bedroom.
There are some parts of it that is just cluttered with junk and information, most of it not even needed.
Other parts are empty and untouched, and will either remain like that or be replaced with something I'll get bored of quickly, or won't like.
Some parts are strange and interesting, some are just there for show.
If people come over, they tend to hang out in my room. I think it has a nice feel to it, with the green walls. Relaxed.
Just like in my life, there are people that just like to hang around, and I don't mind. I like having them there, as long as they don't make a mess. Though usually they do, and I'm left to clean it up. Not that I mind.
There are some things in my room that are really old, which I think might contribute to the way I think and feel sometimes..
I'm a person that will keep awards, birthday cards, train tickets.. anything that triggers a memory. And I normally have this stuff lying around or blue-tacked to the wall, just like my memories, randomly popping up, hanging around for a bit, or blue-tacked to my brain and refusing to leave the wall of my thoughts.
Now for my chair. This chair has been around as long as I've been around. It's been broken, fixed and housed my ass for as long as I can remember. I think the chair represents my conscience. It's as old as I am, it's broken when I don't listen to it, fixed when I correct my wrongs, and has put up with my crap for the best of 16 years.
But yeah, my room isn't perfect. The walls aren't even, and I'm pretty sure it was haunted at one point. But then again, I'm not perfect and neither is my life so there you go =P

Don't jinx it D=

hmm...things seem to be going well and smooth as of late... just waiting for something to fuck it up =D

:/

Why am I awake at 8am on a SUNDAY?!
Well, sitting- OH SHIT HUNGER HUNGER HUNGERRRRRRRRRR

Follow me down

I want a Meerkat.
...

And a Thestral.

D=

Look down, the ground is crumbling

What the.... fucking FUCK?
I don't even... I-
...
I can't even articulate how I'm feeling right now... except for sheer and utter fucking CONFUSION as to why some incredible...fucking AMAZING people have to get it so bad.

Why? Just...WHY?

This isn't about my life. But why do the lives of others have to suck shit? What did I DO TO DESERVE A GOOD LIFE, and what did they do to deserve what THEY get??

-sigh

I don't know who to be mad at... GOD? If God existed, He wouldn't have let any of this shit happen. And I don't care if people say He does things for a reason, nobody should experience what my friends have...

Brendan was right...what the fuck is the purpose of life? To get screwed over a few times, fuck then die?

What's it all for? And how do people....DO IT? How do some people live through a FUCKLOAD OF SHIT, THEIR ENTIRE LIFE?? Is it by chance that some turn out to be nice people? That some take the challenges and use them to make them stronger? And that others turn out to be complete jerks...

I say that I don't like it when people judge others, but I judge people MYSELF. Without even realising. But what gives me the right? I know NOTHING about this person. I know nothing of their history, of what they've been through to make them how they are.. unless they tell me. But some of it is so hard to listen to... it hurts that I know someone so close to me now has been through hell and back..that he can't keep that smile on his face anymore. Nothing is getting better. Everything is just falling further and further into the earth and not coming out for some air. Everything is falling apart for him. And all I can do is be there for him?? I CAN HARDLY DO THAT PROPERLY SO WHAT CAN I DO??

I'm scared to even be happy when I talk to him. Just incase he'll be bitter and think "Why can't I be as happy as her?"
But then being sad, he might be thinking "Why's she sad? She knows SHIT about sadness"
So I try to determine his mood before getting into conversation..

It's the same with another friend of mine.. I can't be happy until I know she's happy. She's been through some fucked up shit too, and all I can do is listen and..not have anything to relate with her, because I haven't EXPERIENCED ANY OF IT! I'm not saying I want to, obviously, but going back to the most common theme in this blog:
WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE IT SO BAD???? >:(
For fuck's sake -_-


~Look down.. the ground below is crumbling
Look up.. the stars are all exploding
It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams
Between the dust and the debris
There's a light surrounding you and me
It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams
And you hold me closer than I can ever remember being held.
I'm not afraid to sleep now, if we can stay like this until
It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my head I replay our conversations
Over and over til they feel like hallucinations
You know me.. I love to lose my mind
And every time anybody speaks your name
I still feel the same
I ache, I ache, I ache inside.~

[The Last Day On Earth by Kate Miller Heidke]

Non-musical thoughts~

lol totes in music class right now.
Just thinking about stuff...sigh
Why do people have to go through so much crap?
And it's so painful hearing about all these bad situations...experienced by the ones i love especially..
A couple of weeks ago, a father strangled his wife and daughter and threw them off Echo Point, which is in Katoomba (the Three Sisters lookout), about a minute drive from our holiday house there... i went to that lookout a week ago and just looking over the cliff edge..and trying to imagine what that man must have been feeling as he flung his wife and daughters' bodies down into the scrub.. what was going through his mind as he strangled them to death? Was ANYTHING going through his mind? Was it just sheer rage keeping his hands clamped around their throats? How can someones life just be.. whisked away like that? A beautiful little girl with a whole future before her, can never experience it. And the families of those people! How do they cope..?
People who die in car crashes are lucky.. well not lucky, but atleast the last thing they see or experience isn't their father killing them or their mother, or hearing her struggling against him. I'm glad I was born into this life I've got, but seeing how bad some people have it.. it isn't fair at all. They didn't do ANYTHING to deserve what they get. I wish there was something more I could do.. anything, so that they'd feel less pain.

sigh

I guess I should get back to school work. Whatever it was :

Dowidzenia!

oh, GREAT

I subconsciously wrote the word 'KILL' on my eraser today.
what the fuck.

~_~_~_~_~

...why am i here-
WHY AM I STILL ON THE INTERNET?!?
..i'll go and try..get a life
ew.

IF YOU WANT TO BE IN MY GANG MY GANG MY GANG IF YOU WANT TO BE IN MY GANG THEN YOU BEST BE UNDER TWELVE AND GOOD AT KEEPING SECRETS :L

It's the Common Reactor

I'm a very unmotivated person. I don't know why. It makes me angry that I can't sum up the will to do the things I want to do. I come from a very musical family, and I know I have the talent to play piano like a pro, but I'm just not...bothered? Is it because I don't want to have the expectations and responsibility of being this awesome pianist like my parents want me to be? Honestly, I can't be bothered practising more than once a week. To me, that isn't determination. And neither is it creating much of a musical future for me. I think about this a lot. And I think about my future a lot. And I go through things I want to do, and I realise..i just can't find anything I'm good at and enjoy at the same time. I know I want to do SOMETHING, no way am I living off welfare and sitting my butt on the side of the road looking helpless and pathetic like SOME people I won't mention. So for now..I'm just going to float through everything and do whatever seems to pop up for me. If anything does.


~~ Let's break the window panes
and seperate the walls from all the nails
and maybe if we're loud we'll stay alive
while everybody wants to join the fight
but even if we barricade the door
and seal it with the blood found on the floor
we're always gonna cross the finish line
while everybody wants to run and hide
but now it's too late.~~

Byeo =)

I FEEL LIKE MAKING A "PEOPLE I HATE" LIST (ooh goodie =] )

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hjbgkf

I finished my journal so I may as well write something up on here.
I've decided to stop using msn..atleast for a bit.
I'm going on a ten day holiday to Alice Springs, though I don't see it as much of a holiday, since I won't be able to see my Bitchtits, Brennidaymn and Alice.
The three people I actually give a shit about on this planet.
I've also noticed that I really really dislike my couch potato father. "YOU NEED THIS HOLIDAY, ALL YOU EVER DO IS SIT ON MSN, YOU'RE ANTI SOCIAL BLAH BLAH BLAH"
um...daddykins...you go to work everyday..after work, you plonk your butt on the couch, put your laptop on your knees, and your eyes DO NOT leave the screen unless you have to take a shit. The only time you see other people is when the whole family is invited to a party, which is a rare occasion.
I ON THE OTHER HAND spend some time on msn, but I also do other productive things, like my homework, piano on mondays, dancing on thursdays, singing on fridays and polish school on saturdays. AND DON'T TELL ME I'M ANTI-SOCIAL, BITCH. I've been out and about with jasmine and brendan almost every week, and even though I may not like many people, I'm still capable of holding up a conversation sobre.
I don't even understand why they want me to go on this holiday. Firstly, it's to the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, where there will be no people to socialise with ANYWAY. And I'm kinda in the tenth grade, which means I have a shitload of homework and assignments to get through, with only four days to do it all, when I'd rather be seeing the friend I haven't seen for almost a year, and hang out with the two people I love most. So I'll probably end up doing all the assignments at Alice Springs, and they wanted me to witness the scenery? WELL TOO FUCKING BAD, because I'm going to be sitting in the hotel room, like the "anti-social" bitch hermit I am and do my school work. WHICH MEANS that you idiots payed my booking fee, for nothing =)

WARNING:
To any Alice Springs dweller who may read this, stay the hell away from me, because you may lose an arm, a leg, or your head.

I'll try and suck my parents' money dry and make them pay for my internet usage so I can talk to some people there... but I highly doubt it.

SEE YOU ALL IN 10 DAYS!

Adieu xx

Where are my dreams...?

No, I'm serious. Where the fuck are they? I was known for having wierd, awesome, screwed up dreams. My family would wake up in the morning waiting to hear another amazingly whacked story from me. But I haven't had a dream for months now...what happened? Did i lose my imagination, or is my subconscience faulty or something? I MISS MY DREAMS! Please give them back to me, whoever has them -_-
I remember my first two dreams (that i remember) were actually nightmares. The first was of a troll chasing this young couple through these really dingy apartments. The girl had a screwed up ankle, and the guy (who looked like Elvis) was carrying her, while running away fromt he troll. Then the guy vanished from the dream, and it was only the girl and the Troll. They started swinging form vines, like a bad jungle man movie, where the vines just hang from the air, but through the city. And yeah, i was six so it was pretty scary. My next nightmare was probably the scariest one I've had, (apart form one where my brother was trying to kill me) and it's too long to write down, but basically, my house was completely flooded, and the walls had turned into mirrors. My brother and I were the only ones in the house, and we had to be really quiet because there was this witch living in our house who had eaten our parents. But yeah, there was this huge chase thing, and we ended up escaping from the house, and as my brother hid in the bushes, I ran to my auntie's house which was down the road. It was night time, and there was nobody around and I just remember runnning faster than I'd ever run. When i got to my aunt's house, i banged on the door for ages, crying and shaking. When i saw that the door knob was turning, I was preared to jump into her arms, but as the door opened, I saw the witch standing at the door, holding my brother by his shoulders. And yeah, lots of screaming and crying. It was pretty bad, but i loved it :D And there have been so many wierdly awesome ones and ARGH i just want my dreams back :'(
Chris told me that dreams are a way for your body to deal with some issues or problems you may be experiencing. But, it's not like I haven't had problems in the past few months... WHERE WAS MY SUBCONSCIENCE THEN?!?!
Maybe it's because of my lack of sleep. But I've been sleeping more now, so if i don't get atleast ONE dream this week, I will cry. This is becoming stupid. I ALWAYS remember my dreams. So "maybe you just don't remember them" is not an excuse I'm taking.
Dreams- GET YOUR ASSES BACK INTO MY HEAD -_-

Holy Matrimony~~

Couples. Married couples, i mean. EEERRMMM....is it right? Is it right that we should choose somebody -ONE PERSON- to spend the rest of our lives with? You may love each other, but there's always that one thing they do that will piss you off for as long as you live..
"She always asks where I've been, who I was with"
"He always leaves his socks under the bed"
Well, you see honey, people just don't change. I've come to realise that now. If they're raised to be some way, or if it's in them, they won't change. You chose to be with the dude. Deal with it.
So i suppose, since we live in this society which only accepts having one life partner, all we have to know is "choose wisely"? Won't one person eventually get sick of the other in, say, 50 years? Or in some cases, only after a couple of years. But that's what divorce is for. Then there's silly Catholicism, which frowns upon divorce. Well, ofcourse, you popes, bishops, priests and crap aren't married. You don't know what it's like to deal with one person's crap for the rest of your life. I'm not saying that I do..but i can see it. Meh, people tell me not to get married. That it's shit and ruins your life. Yeah well, THANKS.
What if I get to that situation?
"Oh shit, I'm going to have to look at your face everyday for the next 60 years"
...
Why the fuck am I writing a blog about MARRIAGE??

Well, I'm off to try and talk to the bitch spirit in my house.
Adieu xox

Hmm..

Blooog i have no idea what I'm feeling... anger that these guests won't leave i suppose. Paedophile among them. Mom having a crush on said paedophile. Geez mom, stop taking his phone...he said he liked the picture with ME in it -_-
pffft whatever. It's never boys my age. It's always guys who are way too old.
As i recalled to Jammah, i have a 93 year old man, whom my mother works for who, whenever he sees me, says i grow more beautiful every time he sees me. Ok, not that bad..but WHY THE HELL would he look me up and down and say, with a very hungry look in his eye "Wow. Now that's something I'd like to wake up to in the morning."
0.o...haha..um, thanks sir. Do you want me to get your fucking slippers? ^^
MEH. Sheesh, it makes me think how lonely they must be, that they get satisfaction from looking at ALMOST 16 YEAR OLD GIRLS. Get a life, moron.

Spirit Bitch

Arghh this is CRAZY. Last night, around 2am, i was on the computer as usual. My headphones were in, but i wasn't listening to any music, and i heard my mum shouting at me, but i couldn't understand her properly, so i took out the headphones and shouted (my brother and dad wouldn't wake up in a cyclone) "What, mum?...mum! What? I didn't hear you!...MUM what did you say??" I then heard my mother stirring and saying sleepily "Ugh, i didn't say anything Angelica, be quiet"
And then silence. I froze, my face blank. As i tried to remember the voice i heard, i realised it wasn't even in Polish, it was in a different tongue, and kind of muffled...as if the person shouting them was in pain. I swear i heard it. It was a womans voice shouting at me. But it wasn't my mum, and there are no more women in the family. I tried to push it out of my mind, and finally hit the pillow at around 5am, listening to the wierd sounds that remind me of spaceships outside my window. Then today, my mother had to go to the funeral of a lady she worked for, who had gotten breast cancer, and once cured, got Dementia. Sometimes i think having a serious mental illness is worse than having a physical one. This woman had no idea who anybody was and would get panic attacks constantly.Anyway, my mother left me at this other woman's house, to clean as she went to the funeral. The entire time, i felt that there was someone there with me. And i know that sounds like bullshit, but it scared the fucking shit out of me. At one point, i felt the floorboards creak behind me, and i turned around so quickly and my heart was beating so fast, and this had happened so many times in the hour i was at that house, that i just broke down into tears. As i vaccuumed, i kept hearing the whimpers of a woman, and at one point, i just chucked everything down, got so fucking angry and ran outside. My imagination had gone overdrive, and everytime i looked at something, i would get an image of a mangled, bloodspattered girl holding on to the object hissing at me. I told myself "Dude, it's all in your fucking head" But COULD there have been someone there with me? Was it the lady who died? Was she angry that i didn't attend her funeral? Was she trying to tell me something? God this sounds so fucking cliched, but i am seriously shitting myself. Is there a possibility that there was actually a woman's spirit/presence/ghost/whatever there with me? Even the sweet sound of Patrick Wolf couldn't keep me from the things i was experiencing. And what was with the woman shouting at me at 2am? I KNOW i heard it. There's no doubt about it. I wasn't listening to any music, i just had headphones in. It was completely silent. My brother and i have been known to talk in our sleep, but Bartek doesn't sound like a woman. And i couldn't have fallen asleep, screamed and heard myslef, i was talking to the other people who don't believe in going to bed early. *sigh* Either my brain is finally deciding to break down, or i need some help. Preferably from Jasmine, whom i know has had experience with ghosts....Ghosts. BAH.

The Temple

AHH BUT YOU'RE SO PRETTAYY
What? No. Where?
Oddly shaped nose, body out of whack, bags under eyes, weak jaw, big feet and no mammary glands...
Body image issues -sigh-
I guess I should be thankful. Doesn't mean I am.
I'd rather just see the beauty in others instead.