Look down, the ground is crumbling

What the.... fucking FUCK?
I don't even... I-
...
I can't even articulate how I'm feeling right now... except for sheer and utter fucking CONFUSION as to why some incredible...fucking AMAZING people have to get it so bad.

Why? Just...WHY?

This isn't about my life. But why do the lives of others have to suck shit? What did I DO TO DESERVE A GOOD LIFE, and what did they do to deserve what THEY get??

-sigh

I don't know who to be mad at... GOD? If God existed, He wouldn't have let any of this shit happen. And I don't care if people say He does things for a reason, nobody should experience what my friends have...

Brendan was right...what the fuck is the purpose of life? To get screwed over a few times, fuck then die?

What's it all for? And how do people....DO IT? How do some people live through a FUCKLOAD OF SHIT, THEIR ENTIRE LIFE?? Is it by chance that some turn out to be nice people? That some take the challenges and use them to make them stronger? And that others turn out to be complete jerks...

I say that I don't like it when people judge others, but I judge people MYSELF. Without even realising. But what gives me the right? I know NOTHING about this person. I know nothing of their history, of what they've been through to make them how they are.. unless they tell me. But some of it is so hard to listen to... it hurts that I know someone so close to me now has been through hell and back..that he can't keep that smile on his face anymore. Nothing is getting better. Everything is just falling further and further into the earth and not coming out for some air. Everything is falling apart for him. And all I can do is be there for him?? I CAN HARDLY DO THAT PROPERLY SO WHAT CAN I DO??

I'm scared to even be happy when I talk to him. Just incase he'll be bitter and think "Why can't I be as happy as her?"
But then being sad, he might be thinking "Why's she sad? She knows SHIT about sadness"
So I try to determine his mood before getting into conversation..

It's the same with another friend of mine.. I can't be happy until I know she's happy. She's been through some fucked up shit too, and all I can do is listen and..not have anything to relate with her, because I haven't EXPERIENCED ANY OF IT! I'm not saying I want to, obviously, but going back to the most common theme in this blog:
WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE IT SO BAD???? >:(
For fuck's sake -_-


~Look down.. the ground below is crumbling
Look up.. the stars are all exploding
It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams
Between the dust and the debris
There's a light surrounding you and me
It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams
And you hold me closer than I can ever remember being held.
I'm not afraid to sleep now, if we can stay like this until
It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my head I replay our conversations
Over and over til they feel like hallucinations
You know me.. I love to lose my mind
And every time anybody speaks your name
I still feel the same
I ache, I ache, I ache inside.~

[The Last Day On Earth by Kate Miller Heidke]